Monday, January 31, 2011

Subway Experience From...(You Know Where)

Jake and I decided that tonight would be a "Subway for dinner" kind of night, so he decided to go to the one closest to us (even after I mentioned that it would no doubt be ridiculous, given the proximity to our neighborhood).  Apparently an entire herd of policemen were there...enough to make Jake wonder if they also sold Krispy Kreme.  Jake enters the store, gets in line, and notices that one of the police officers gets in line behind him.  Here is the dialogue for your reading pleasure:

Subway guy: Can I help you?
Jake: Sure, I'd like a footlong veggie sub on Italian bread please.
Subway guy: We don't have Italian bread.
Jake: Oh, alright, well lets do Monterey Cheddar instead.
Subway guy: We don't have Monterey Cheddar.
(at this point in the conversation my eyes would have totally bugged out of my head, but alas, I was not there to witness this thoroughly ridiculous experience)
Jake:  OK, so tell me, what types of bread DO you currently have?
Subway guy: Wheat.
Jake: That's it?
Subway guy: Yeah.

So Jake orders us all wheat bread sandwiches and although I buy wheat for our sandwiches at home, I was REALLY looking forward to Italian bread.  Ugh.  And did I mention that they "ran out" of all of these types of bread even though Jake showed up at 5 till 5pm...on a Monday...?!  Perhaps we should have made a reservation given the insane crowds they must have experienced at 4pm.

Best part of this story is yet to come...police officer steps up behind Jake to order his food:

Subway guy: Can I help you?
police officer: Yeah, who is parked illegally in the handicapped spot outside?
Subway guy: Uhh, that would be this guy (as he points to a co-worker...who will now be Subway guy #2)
police officer: Sir, are you parked in the handicapped spot?
Subway guy #2: Uhhhhhhh, which one?
police officer: The one in front of the store, right out the door.
Subway guy #2: Yeah.  Yeah I am. (elongated pause)  Do you want me to move?
police officer:  That would be great.

And just when you thought it couldn't get more ridiculous, another poor, unfortunate soul steps up to the counter to order:

Subway guy: Can I help you?
unassuming customer: Yeah, can I get a 6" turkey on Italian?
Subway guy: We are out of Italian.
unassuming customer: Oh, well lets try honey oat.
Subway guy: We don't have honey oat.
unassuming customer: Hmm, what about Italian herbs and cheese?
Subway guy: Out of that too.
unassuming customer: Monterey cheddar?
Subway guy: Out of Monterey cheddar.
unassuming customer:  I guess that leaves me with wheat, right?

I mean REALLY?!  There is a reason I expect zero customer service in today's day in age.  Could the employees inform customers of this gross negligence of only having wheat the SECOND they step up to the counter to order instead of going through this ridiculous process every single time?  Nah.  That would mean they service more than two customers per hour...much too high of a quota to meet every time, you know?

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