Sunday, February 7, 2010

Irony

It is beyond difficult raising a high need infant for the obvious reasons, including hearing crying 24/7, always having to hold your kid and never being able to put them down, listening to them shriek at inopportune times, having a truly erratic sleep schedule that matches your child's, feeling trapped inside your home with a horribly behaved baby who will certainly not cooperate if you choose to have lunch with a friend, and so on and so on. But there are also some not-so-obvious reasons why raising a little Cole is pretty intense.

As your child grows up, and thus gets a little bit better with every month as they become more and more independent (which for Cole is a great thing), you become more and more guilty as a mom. Your "baby" is no longer a baby and the entire time they were super tiny you were wishing the time away because of how miserable you were. It is not as though I would actually WANT to go back to the time when Cole was 6 weeks old, but it would be nice to at least be able to remember something from when he was just a little guy. The problem is that there were so FEW good times at that stage that I actually can not remember anything. I now realize that it is probably a self-preservation thing that I have forgotten everything, otherwise Cole would certainly become an only child.

It is truly unfair that when you are a brand new mom you do not feel 100% because you have just experienced 9 months of pregnancy followed by labor and delivery. You look in the mirror to see a bloated face/body that is certainly not your own, but wait---there is no TIME to look in the mirror now as you have just begun your new position as chief milk cow in your own personal dairy farm where you spend as much as 10-12 hours each day feeding your new baby. Then, to top it off, you are having to adjust to a not-so-stellar sleep schedule. For us, add to this having a fussy baby 24/7. You can understand why new moms seem to "forget" 90% of this stuff. How awesome would it be to have a surrogate carry and deliver your child so that you can at least BEGIN this crazy journey at the top of your game?!

Anyway, I am constantly striving to not become some crazy mom who feels sorry for herself all of the time. We have so much to be thankful for---namely that our son is 100% perfectly healthy and that we have been blessed to be in a situation where I am able to stay home with him to give him all of the personal, one-on-one attention that he craves all of the time ;-) So what if when I go to the YMCA and drop Cole off at Child Watch he cries in the swing the entire two hours? Hahaha...hopefully he will continue to get better as he gets closer and closer to the one year mark. In the meantime we will take it one day at a time...

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